Define Beautiful
by Adalee Bishop
Summary: She fought desperately to control herself, but all of her tries were proved in vain. She had lost her vison. Nothing was beautiful anymore. If only someone could bring it back...


**Define Beautiful**

Her feet grew numb in the stinging ocean water. The waves crashed down over her toes, the white foam bubbling against them. The harsh wind whipped her brown, tangled hair across her face, numbing the tip of her rosy nose. It was cold out, but she didn't care.

Pastel colors painted the sky. Dim sunlight spilled in through the cracks in the clouds. The water held a deep blue hue, its gentleness causing more tears to fall unwillingly down her face. The sun sank lower on the horizons line. She watched slowly, her green eyes filled with heartache and pain. Her feet continued to dig deeper into the cold sand. She stood there, watching as the world spun around her, wishing that she could just stop everything. She wanted all her pain to end. Why couldn't everything just stop?

Her tiny fists clenched, making the scars and cuts on her wrists turn a deadly white. She gritted her teeth and continued to clench her fist until her nails dug ruthlessly into her skin. She could feel the blood run down her hands. She loved the feeling of it. She loved to know that she was still breathing, feeling, living. Without the sensation of the blood dripping down her skin, she felt dead. Dead to the world and everything around her.

She heard the crunch of sand behind her and immediately tensed. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. Her body shook as she kept her eyes closed, tears trickling down her burning cheeks. She could hear his footsteps drawing nearer. _"Stop crying," _she thought desperately, fighting down the never-ending tears streaming from her eyes. Mascara poured down her face, and her lips turned white from her teeth baring down upon them.

She heard the footsteps stop beside her. She tried to breathe in deeply, but all she could get in were gasps of air. She clenched her fists, if possible, even tighter. She didn't want him to see her like this. He couldn't...

Her hands shook desperately, her body frantic for anything to stop her.

But she couldn't.

A strong hand slid over her fist and held it gently. Her hand shook beneath his grip. She could feel the heat of his warm skin as it poured through her. She stopped shaking as badly and continued to keep her eyes closed. She could feel his hot breath beside her, puffing clouds of smoke into the freezing air. She waited silently, the crashing of waves the only noise heard. She felt his hand squeeze around hers, and knew what was to come next.

"It's cold out, isn't it?" his voice spoke gently. Her heart pumped dangerously in her chest, and she loosened the grip of her fists. How could he possibly be talking about the cold? He should be screaming at her, scolding her for running away again! What was he THINKING?

She opened her eyes slowly, and a crystal tear rolled down her cheek. The view of the ocean and the water-colored sky greeted her eyes. She refused to look at him just yet, and kept her gaze looking forward. She spoke not a word, but waited cautiously for what was to come next.

He continued to hold her hand gently.

"It's beautiful out," he spoke quietly. She could hear a secret tone to his voice that was begging her to talk to him. What was his problem? Couldn't he tell that she didn't want to talk? And if he was going to talk, why was he talking about stupid stuff like how beautiful it was outside? Why didn't he just tell her off and be done with it!

Anger erupted inside of her, and she could feel the flames within her burning.

"_Don't," a voice in her head told her,"Don't let yourself get out of control again." _

But it was to late.

She could feel the earthquake inside of her shaking violently. Her mind reeled, and anger boiled over her like she remembered it had done so many times.

"Nothing is beautiful anymore, Robby," she started. Her voice was deadly, venom spitting with every word she spoke.

"You can't see it?" he questioned. He knew what was coming. He knew what she was about to do.

"SEE WHAT? SEE HOW STUPID YOU ARE? SEE HOW DUMB AND USELESS MY LIFE IS? WHAT'S THE POINT ROBBY? ALL EVERYBODY THINKS OF ME IS PATHETIC! EVERYBODY THINKS I'M USELESS AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY'RE RIGHT! I AM PATHETIC!" She screamed, anger flooding out of her. Her voice echoed across the ripping waves. She had now turned to Robby and could see his bright, blue eyes, his soft brown hair. He was perfect in every way imaginable. His face was not frowning, hurt, or smiling, but natural. It seemed like her screaming had not affected him at all. He continued to look at her, her blue-eyed gaze cutting into her like a knife.

What had she just done?

"Oh god," she whispered, tears returning to her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," she cried. Before she knew it her body was thrust up against his. Oh, how refreshing it was. His smell was intoxicating, the warmth of his body addicting. She cuddled her head in his neck and sobbed. His arms folded around her, protecting her like only he could do. His body shook and rattled, but he continued to hold her tightly, his head resting on top of hers. His eyes were closed knowingly, his face strong and sympathetic.

"What's wrong with me?" she whispered into his ear, tears dripping off of her chapped lips.

"Nothings wrong with you. Just hold on. Everything will be okay," he spoke strongly. There was more to those words than anyone could understand. After all she had been through, Robby had been there for her the entire time. Her spells, her arguments, her unimaginable mood swings; he had stuck through it all. How could he keep coming back to her after everything she'd put him through? She'd yelled at him for no reason, hit him, screamed at him constantly. She's pushed him away when he tried to help and tried to stay away from him. She had refused to take her medicine, and had gone wild and crazy and run away. How could he still be there after everything she'd done to him?

"One. Two. Three," he started. She began to count up with him, her voice weak and forced.

"Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight," they continued together. Her breaths were gasped and forced. She relaxed under his grip and began to breath better. She closed her eyes softly and continued to count. "Nine. Ten."

Robby knew that always worked on her. Her psychiatrist had recommended it, but it had never worked unless Robby had counted with her. It was just something about his voice that calmed her down. Something that only he could do.

"Are you okay now?" he asked, holding her back in front of him so he could examine her. She laughed harshly and replied.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

They sat down on the sand together, their knees pulled out in front of them. Her green eyes scanned the waves once again and she felt herself relax. As long as she could hear his breathing beside her, then she was okay.

"I can't do this anymore Robby," she began quietly, still gazing out at the ocean. He was silent for a moment, and then rested his chin on his knee. He replied gently, his voice smooth and calm.

"I know its hard, but you've got to hang on. I know you can do it, girl, you just have to try."

Those words killed her. Tears wanted to spill from her eyes, but her sore throat choked them back down.

He didn't know what it was like. He didn't know what it was like to be so out of control that you don't even know what you're doing. He didn't know what it felt like to be overtaken by an anger so powerful that you couldn't control it. He didn't understand what it was like to be crazy.

"It's so hard.." she trailed off, fighting back tears.

"Don't cry," he whispered, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly. She breathed in gasps of air and tried to compose herself. One, two, three, four, five...

"I'm crazy," she choked out before a tear fell down her face. She began to cry again, her back shaking in sobs.

"Your not crazy, Annie. Your bi-polar, and there is nothing you can do about it," he comforted her, tightening his grip on her hand.

She loved him so, so much. Without him, she didn't know where she would be. He kept her there, in the real world, when her mind started to drift apart. He made her whole. Without him, she'd be so, so empty.

She knew her parents were probably waiting in the car outside of the beach for her. She knew that they had probably got Robby to come and get her. But for some reason, right now she just didn't care. All she wanted to do was be with him.

And this was the only thing she knew.

"I wish I could see things like I used to. I used to notice the little things in life, like the way the grass swayed when the car whizzed by. Or the color the ocean waves are when the sun is about to go down," she spoke, nodding towards the ocean.

"You can, Annie, I know you can," he encouraged. Annie shook her head slowly.

"No, no, I can't," she cried, tears streaming down her face.

"Yes you can! Look at all the beauty around you! Can't you see it? Can't you feel it? All you have to do is believe, girl, and you can see the beauty in things again. You can see how beautiful everything truly is...," he smiled.

She shook her head feverishly.

Robby took her head in his hands and looked into her eyes. She refused to meet his gaze. Crystal tears ran down her cheeks, and her black eyelashes clumped together from the wetness of the tears. Her green eyes sparkled in the setting sun, and to Robby, nothing could get more beautiful.

She continued to shake her head as she choked down the tears. He held her chin in his hand.

"Look at me, girl. What's wrong? What is it?"

She took a deep gasping breath and made herself look into his eyes. Pools of crystal blue color met her gaze. It hurt so, so bad.

She whispered silently, her face inches from his.

"The sunsets not beautiful anymore."


End file.
